Its time to move on....

Exploring and exploiting take turns. When you are done with exploring something new people, places, relationships, opportunities, you just want to lay back and exploit them. You would prefer to just exploit your existing habitat than take efforts to move on and find something new...

I am done with exploiting. Its time to move on, explore....

A new page and a new look.

But loved this one and will cherish it for long.

New page but same old thoughts... http://sripriyapadmanabhan.wordpress.com/

Busy to be Bored?

Its 2 am in West Lafayette. I cannot sleep a blink, i have already slept enough during the day. I feel like going out to have a coffee. But the 3 degrees outside doesn't seem to make that happen.

Its finals week. Last year this time i remember cramming the whole week and just waiting to be done. And here i am feeling like done even before i start. Feels like just another week that has to pass and exams are a routine that would just happen.

I still remember my 3 am mornings when i could just sit and read, until i am done and feel fresh for the early morning nap. Just explore music till mornings or so busy gathering thoughts that i just dont fall asleep. I feel like disabled to do that again. This life at school has put me ahead in few things but pushed me back in things i used to enjoy. I am feeling hard to even get back.

Its just time to take a break and read a book. At least better than filling that 100th job application at 2 am.

Familiar but Lost

It just takes minutes to get past through the roads and get anywhere around town. The little town of west lafayette and the mini downtown of lafayette is a few miles now. Distance is no matter. Thanks to google maps, a free navigator to a dumb driver.

Little restaurants, familiar faces, street names and road signs. I even recogonized a new welcome board that was set up in one of the common roads. The coffee aditction thats caught on, i know the starbucks counter lady by name and greet her with a friendly chat. Its hard to believe the familiarity that creeped in and its been just a year.

A year of being an exicle, unemployed dependent, sporadic commoner, non reader, non writer, a grad student. The overdose of deprivation can get someone so used to it, that its starts to change and its important to react before the change reaches a stage when its no more noticed. Its hard to belive that i have stopped missing things that i yearned for and its just been a year.

New faces, new classes, new parties, old professors and same old rawls hall. The little rawls hall, my favorite place in the whole of purdue. Something else is also new. The new recognition of being a second year, a mentor, a problem solver, an example? The new faces roaming around rawls hall yearning for direction in every little deal. Butterflies in their stomach about first week of classes and its funny when they ask you. 'Can we actually get through this?'. Its hard to believe that its not been long since i was one of them. When did the baton change hands?

I did have fun and i am sure i will. This familiarity is something that i wasnt prepared and is getting me ready for a change sooner than i ever thought i would.

I hope it comes everyday

Its 7 in the evening.
The sun's rays on my face, i don't know what it says.
I look at it again to smile, a familiarity i cannot deny.
I wave out the mask to those million questions over again today.
Every day is an opportunity to make a difference, or so they say.
A dozen opinions creep out again - make a change. be the change.
Intention and drive is what everyone has. Recognition for it is what everyone wants.
Procrastination just lives in.
Some day - Ultimately everyone wants to make a change.
Is there someone to start today? Now? To beat the drum and get it rolling?
'Hypocrisy' - sounds cruel. But i cant find a better word.
Its 7:30 now.
Its setting in, to beat the thought. To let go again and to drown into the chores to drive away thoughts that keeps me busy from the reality.
I am glad it came out today. I pray for it to come everyday and slap me in my face.
Remind me of the purpose to beat denial and be myself again.

Dreamy

Idealism, Romantisism , Reality converge.

Goals are fleeting and Life is just an experiment.
Inhibitions - let go. Freedom - Re identified. Societial - Disregard.

She believes confusion pre existed time and reasoning always surrounds favourable decisions.

She lives to unlearn , yields to reality and stops to true love.

She exists.

The B-school Buckle

Its getting on me:

• The incessant job search
• Outlook syndrome
• hibernated laptops
• The 3-am snack and 3 alarms at a time
• Facebook- Gtalk
• Turned on lights
• ' leaving talk'
• Freezing walks
• The last Name disability

Phew!

did i just make a bulleted list?

do i even know how to blog?

At times..

Laugher. Laugher. Uninhibited...
People. People. All around...
Chaos. Madness. Like never before...
Growth. Success. To get somewhere...
Money.Power. Comes and goes...
Void. Empty. Space. That can never fill...
In a foreign land.

The perfect script - the star

Those that aren't Indian struggle to fathom exactly what Tendulkar means to so many millions, and it's doubtful whether even those that live here really comprehend just how much a part of the national consciousness he has become. He is such a unifying force, a personality capable of stirring the emotions in every nook and corner of a vast land. And in these times of distress and anger, it was so very appropriate that it would be Tendulkar who put the smiles back on at least a few faces.

-Dileep Premachandran

Cricinfo

The little trust

Familiarity, happiness , security. Even the best will dawn on you sometime.

I waited in hope, patience and desperation. The unfamiliarity grew over me while i wasted my days in optimism. I woke up to see myself unknown of my suroundings. While i struggle to get my hands and reach out to my beloning, I got resuce in the form of 'trust'. A little spark to darkness; you could call fun, happiness , divine.I grew out, to find myself, got my shell . found my space. Got adicted to the trust i grow with and live with.

Existence in Disparity

Every time i pick up the phone to call a loved one , I have to calculate a time difference.
Appa , Amma - '+10.5 hrs'
karthik - '-3 hrs'
Vidya - '+5 hrs'
I never imagined there would ever be a time like this, when i find amazing happiness talking to home, to people who are just mine. Distance isnt a big deterrent anymore. Not when there are multiple ways you could find to 'be connected' . But is this virtual networking, inevitable of course, doing any good at all?
Reminds me of a crazy mohan comedy where he goes ' We are a joint family - me and my wife stay together ' , though i laughed that day, i thought he was exaggerating.
May be he wasnt.
The drifting lifestyles arent happening all of a sudden and its not something people have control over anymore. Its extremely gradual and most people realize only when they are way into it and consciously make efforts to overcome the distance.
Globalisation, Cross border relationships and diversity is the benefits that just cannot be replaced. Its amazing to have a korean, chinese and american in a team with you and its the next big thing that we are working towards.
But what about the cultural and emotional sacrifices it brings with it? How does it feel to celebrate diwali in a closed room with a collection of similar people from the geography you are in? How does it ever replace a street full of people waking up 4 am in the morning with burst crackers almost in your living room ? (Lets ignore the noise and pollution at this moment! )
I agree that you could always travel back when you want to. But this isn't just a matter of one time.
Its about missing life at one part with advantages over other. People gain experiences, go back home, share knowledge and even find jobs. But eventually over generations there is a huge gap that is being created. If this is trade off where one has to decide their priorities over,
Choosing between moms coffee everyday and earning a global exposure to meet people from 26 countries for an exotic lifestyle - can never be justified.

One liners about things that keep me busy

I belong to a Building bustling with brilliance; breakfast here is in business casuals.

Bread, Cheese, Yogurt , Bagel, Donut , Creamer - My new found food companions.

Endless assignments always keeps one awake.

Uncommonness in Language, thoughts, attire and believes - striving to be a perfect team.

Money matters. But not as much as it seems to matter at most times.

I am confused how to interpret 'networking'! Its a very vague term.

Search for people. Search for job.Search for more money.Search for the perfect partner. The search never ends. So keep searching.

Ice skating could be fun. Even if you have no idea how to skate!

There is a very thin line between Altruism and Intrusion .

After a long tiring day, happiness was in a small packet brought by USPS with the best gift i ever got.

Place. People. Patriotic.

I am nostalgic with memories of an early rise on a sunny summer morning. Dressed in a cute crisp uniform, we joined the bee line of students who all gathered in the assembly for the flag hoist. It wasn't just another day. It meant an hours wait in the scotching heat, claps , national anthem, a flag pinned on the chest and chocolates for fun.

And then were times when it was not just a holiday. A day when i woke up to see the TV on earlier than normal. When I got used to seeing Ad's and wishes early morning on the newspaper. When sms conveyed messages otherwise forgotten. The only day when prime minister's speech was important and when AR Rahman and Lata Mangeshkar versions of Vande Mataram kindled the spirit of the day.

On through, it still did not remain just another day. It was a day that could be spent with kids in orphanages, an opportunity to go around and distribute chocolates. When it was about making someone else's day delightful.

Today, my country wakes up to yet another day that reiterates its freedom people still continue doing every thing as before, in this side of the globe it dark and its the day before.

I needed a day on the calendar all these years to feel the refreshed smell of patriotism all day long. Here i live, miles apart from her where every single day i look out for things that could give me the slightest touch of her being. Anything from a distant aroma of food to jus seeing a crowd of people with noise gets it on.

Love her. Miss her.

Happy independence day!

First words

I jus woke up to absolute silence. Took a few steps to the window near me and a see green, lots of it. I can listen to my own foot steps at home, a gruggling refridgarator and some little birds who jus woke up with me. Every 3 minutes there is a loud whoosing sound that takes all the attention on the road, a car passing by. And as I type away, I fear if my keyboard is gonna wake up a sweet little girl who gave me place to stay and is sleeping in a room beside me. Im here in purude and my first words say I want some NOICE.

First words

I jus woke up to absolute silence. Took a few steps to the window near me and a see green, lots of it. I can listen to my own foot steps at home, a gruggling refridgarator and some little birds who jus woke up with me. Every 3 minutes there is a loud wooshing sound that takes all the attention on the road, a car passing by. And as I type away, I fear if my keyboard is gonna wake up a sweet little girl who gave me place to stay and is sleeping in a room beside me. Im here in purude and my first words say I want some NOISE.

Making new bonds, forgetting et al

I am not for lavish weddings, I cant stand the flamboyance there. I still stick to it. I could argue, scream and fight about the money spent at it. I could stand upside down and protest against the wastage that happens. Plastic, clothes, food, water, power , MONEY! I can go on. The reason i cant get out of this topic is that its happening all around me and am not able to escape all the thoughts it kindles. Especially after having witnessed one so closely. I thought weddings are just plain waste of a lot of things and nothing more. I would change a little at that now.

The occasion sure causes a lot of unnecessary expenditure and uninhibited wastage of things for which you would have no control(when i say this i stick to a typical, traditional, family & friends type wedding) , but there really couldn't be a better occasion to meet new people and connect with the old ones.
Meeting long and literally lost relatives. School friends whom you see unbelievably changed. A congregation where you are immersed in a sea of known unknown people, when you just don't go into reality of the relationship and nod and smile to every human around. A lot of whom you sure wouldn't meet for a good ten years to come and the instant thing to reconnect would be "Aah! i met you at her wedding." Its an event that etches different memories for each one of them there and it sure is a family affair!

Now what do i say is the best part of it?

The beautiful 'Uunjal' songs that we get to hear mostly only then? The fact that you experience meanings to words that you just heard and read till now? The one time that you get to look beautiful whatsoever? That everything on that day boils down to the one moment you wait for, no matter how much you knew its coming and however long the boy and girl knew each other? Or the reality that however planned you are or you decide to be, you are sure to mess up things on that day and it doesn't even dawn on you at the moment!A moment long after the when you hit yourselves saying you are relatives now?

Or just that one emotion that brings in both laughter and tears, when things just stall and resume, when you are uncontrollably happy and giggling while the nadaswaram takes over with that mellifluous tune i love!

The Pros definitely did take over the Cons. Or may be there is a way to work around both. To keep all the good things there and still make a wedding that is so worth it, where people care about what they are doing, where they are spending and say a big NO to wastage of any sort.
There sure is a scope for something like that. When we find a balance where we dont contribute to flamboyance and still live the tradition that is beautiful and is so worth preserving!

All that I wanted!

Three hugs and kisses to follow. Three people and a wonderful morning. A beautiful big cake from two idiots, far apart now. Lots of love and nothing more than that can make a birthday amazingly beautiful.

A glance, a smile.

There were more than ten things running in her mind, she was walking back home after another boring day. she wore the long frown, that has got on her for a few days now. A few steps down the road and she feel little droplets on her shoulders and sensed the fragrance of the mud, the typical smell of first rains. She pulled her hairband off and continued to walk at her usual pace unmindful of the drizzle - frowning, tired and irritated. she walked across the road and took left to the main road. The yellow street lights, the green cover on both sides of the road and the unusually calm surroundings made the road look scenic and pleasant. A dark figure walking towards her on the same side caught her attention. She watched on with her eyes fixed till the image became clearer. He was tall, he had his i-pod, track-pants and sneakers on and was sweating. She couldn't quite help the full attention that she gave, not her usual self. She liked the fresh young and cool look. He went past her without a blink, without a grin. He took the turn that she just came by. Seconds later, she turned back to get a last glance and he turned back too. It was dark for him to notice her smile. She smiled wide. She smiled all the way back home while the skies poured out and drenched her even more in happiness.

Forever - Veiled

The place was almost packed. People belonged to all kinds, race, size, nature.
She slowly struggled her way through the crowd getting crushed and squeezed on her way,then finally found a place to sit. What a relief, the window seat was a bonus.
She pushed opened the glass window with her tender slim hands and maximum force that she could give it and sat back. The cool tender morning breeze making its way through the window grills, dried the sweat off her face. she could almost smile at it. She looked around. There were more than a dozen pair of male eyes gazing at her. She wished she could get up and burn all those eyes off, scratch their faces, like they were never there. But, the least she could do is ignore. Look elsewhere. Act like she never saw them. She pulled out a book from her bag and started reading. She carefully lifted one of her legs and crossed it over the other, pulled her blue kameez down to comfort. Her pink churidhar was matching her pink earings, pink dhuppata and pink footwear. Her bindi had traces of both the colours and so did her hair pins.
She was reading her book with all the attention, may be she had an exam/test in college or she was just reading to divert herself from the people around her.
After a few stops, traffic signals and jams the bus finally was approaching her stop. She got ready to get off. She pulled out her bag, placed the book in it and removed a piece of cloth from inside. A Blue one, to match her kameez.
Without the slightest hesitation, she folded the cloth into two and wore it down from her eyes, the other half was hanging down. She then took it up from behind and used it to cover her hair. Within a minute it was done. she had a blue cloth all around her face and hair. All that could be seen of the pretty face that was there till now was the confused pair of eyes and the double coloured bindi. Wearing her bag around her, she again pushed herself through the crowd and got off to go join a dozen other girls waiting for her, like her, veiled.

Shell , Space, Mine.

My wings come out and let me fly,
say my words, dance my steps;
Nothing to feign, no one to hide,
everything here is loud, clear and right.
Its my space, my bubble, my world.
Love fills in every little gap you find,
language spoken is sense and people here are my type
all to do all day is laugh, cry and rejoice.
Not everyone is welcome home;
cause its my shell and everything here is just plain mine.

Adding to the Morbid Confusion

The choking and suffocating roads are already cutting our throats enough, the BMTC drivers are only adding more and more to it.
Any regular commuter in the BMTC bus will be able to understand the situation. I am not a regular commuter, but i try my best to take a bus rather than an auto when i have to use public transport. While doing this can give a hand to the environment and traffic issues in the city, the lethargy and bad attitude these drivers makes me wonder if its really worth it.
It was around 9 30 am on a weekday morning. After a 5 minute wait, a bus dragged itself to the stop. It was comparatively empty, but pushed itself into the narrow road, which was already flooded with vehicles in a turning. Firstly, the bus does not have a conductor. Second, The driver conveniently halts the bus on a side, occupying 3/4th of the turning, giving out tickets to people who were boarding the bus. Two more buses reach the stop and start honking incessantly , which was quite obvious at that time. After 2 minutes of hearing the horn, the driver slowly moves ahead, still distributing tickets. He actually, steers with one hand and gives tickets with the other hand. A traffic cop at the spot came to the bus and started tapping the bus , signalling the driver to move. But, even that did not make a huge difference to him. Though this site kinda gave me shocks about the way he was driving, it was pretty normal to everyone in the bus as they keep seeing such instances every day. They were jus used to this behavior.
The amount they charge for the ticket purely depends on their mood and the person. I end up paying anywhere from 6-9 rs for the same distance, on different days in different buses. You really cant question if you aren't sure about it.
The Volvo buses are surely a relief. They are convenient, friendly and comfortable. A definite boon to people travelling to ITPL and EC. But what about other commuters who want to make use of public transport? Forget the convenience and comfort, the least they could get is cordial drivers. I dont blame all of them. I myself have met a couple of sweet people on bus. But i kinda feel the majority have a negligent attitude. Alright they have a boring job. Accepted that it is horrible to drive on those roads. But that doesn't mean they add to the pain where they spend most time of their lives. What did the poor commuters do?