Speak, the Unspoken

Its time to move on....

2010-02-09T23:00:00.003+05:30

Exploring and exploiting take turns. When you are done with exploring something new people, places, relationships, opportunities, you just want to lay back and exploit them. You would prefer to just exploit your existing habitat than take efforts to move on and find something new...

I am done with exploiting. Its time to move on, explore....

A new page and a new look.

But loved this one and will cherish it for long.

New page but same old thoughts... http://sripriyapadmanabhan.wordpress.com/

Busy to be Bored?

2009-10-11T11:45:00.002+05:30

Its 2 am in West Lafayette. I cannot sleep a blink, i have already slept enough during the day. I feel like going out to have a coffee. But the 3 degrees outside doesn't seem to make that happen.

Its finals week. Last year this time i remember cramming the whole week and just waiting to be done. And here i am feeling like done even before i start. Feels like just another week that has to pass and exams are a routine that would just happen.

I still remember my 3 am mornings when i could just sit and read, until i am done and feel fresh for the early morning nap. Just explore music till mornings or so busy gathering thoughts that i just dont fall asleep. I feel like disabled to do that again. This life at school has put me ahead in few things but pushed me back in things i used to enjoy. I am feeling hard to even get back.

Its just time to take a break and read a book. At least better than filling that 100th job application at 2 am.

Familiar but Lost

2009-08-23T09:15:00.008+05:30

It just takes minutes to get past through the roads and get anywhere around town. The little town of west lafayette and the mini downtown of lafayette is a few miles now. Distance is no matter. Thanks to google maps, a free navigator to a dumb driver.

Little restaurants, familiar faces, street names and road signs. I even recogonized a new welcome board that was set up in one of the common roads. The coffee aditction thats caught on, i know the starbucks counter lady by name and greet her with a friendly chat. Its hard to believe the familiarity that creeped in and its been just a year.

A year of being an exicle, unemployed dependent, sporadic commoner, non reader, non writer, a grad student. The overdose of deprivation can get someone so used to it, that its starts to change and its important to react before the change reaches a stage when its no more noticed. Its hard to belive that i have stopped missing things that i yearned for and its just been a year.

New faces, new classes, new parties, old professors and same old rawls hall. The little rawls hall, my favorite place in the whole of purdue. Something else is also new. The new recognition of being a second year, a mentor, a problem solver, an example? The new faces roaming around rawls hall yearning for direction in every little deal. Butterflies in their stomach about first week of classes and its funny when they ask you. 'Can we actually get through this?'. Its hard to believe that its not been long since i was one of them. When did the baton change hands?

I did have fun and i am sure i will. This familiarity is something that i wasnt prepared and is getting me ready for a change sooner than i ever thought i would.

I hope it comes everyday

2009-03-09T04:32:00.002+05:30

Its 7 in the evening.
The sun's rays on my face, i don't know what it says.
I look at it again to smile, a familiarity i cannot deny.
I wave out the mask to those million questions over again today.
Every day is an opportunity to make a difference, or so they say.
A dozen opinions creep out again - make a change. be the change.
Intention and drive is what everyone has. Recognition for it is what everyone wants.
Procrastination just lives in.
Some day - Ultimately everyone wants to make a change.
Is there someone to start today? Now? To beat the drum and get it rolling?
'Hypocrisy' - sounds cruel. But i cant find a better word.
Its 7:30 now.
Its setting in, to beat the thought. To let go again and to drown into the chores to drive away thoughts that keeps me busy from the reality.
I am glad it came out today. I pray for it to come everyday and slap me in my face.
Remind me of the purpose to beat denial and be myself again.

Dreamy

2009-02-27T08:31:00.004+05:30

Idealism, Romantisism , Reality converge.

Goals are fleeting and Life is just an experiment.
Inhibitions - let go. Freedom - Re identified. Societial - Disregard.

She believes confusion pre existed time and reasoning always surrounds favourable decisions.

She lives to unlearn , yields to reality and stops to true love.

She exists.

The B-school Buckle

2009-02-01T22:48:00.006+05:30

Its getting on me:

The incessant job search
Outlook syndrome
hibernated laptops
The 3-am snack and 3 alarms at a time
Facebook- Gtalk
Turned on lights
' leaving talk'
Freezing walks
The last Name disability

Phew!

did i just make a bulleted list?

do i even know how to blog?

At times..

2009-01-11T08:31:00.003+05:30

Laugher. Laugher. Uninhibited...
People. People. All around...
Chaos. Madness. Like never before...
Growth. Success. To get somewhere...
Money.Power. Comes and goes...
Void. Empty. Space. That can never fill...
In a foreign land.

The perfect script - the star

2008-12-17T11:34:00.001+05:30

Those that aren't Indian struggle to fathom exactly what Tendulkar means to so many millions, and it's doubtful whether even those that live here really comprehend just how much a part of the national consciousness he has become. He is such a unifying force, a personality capable of stirring the emotions in every nook and corner of a vast land. And in these times of distress and anger, it was so very appropriate that it would be Tendulkar who put the smiles back on at least a few faces.

-Dileep Premachandran

Cricinfo

The little trust

2008-11-24T10:11:00.005+05:30

Familiarity, happiness , security. Even the best will dawn on you sometime.

I waited in hope, patience and desperation. The unfamiliarity grew over me while i wasted my days in optimism. I woke up to see myself unknown of my suroundings. While i struggle to get my hands and reach out to my beloning, I got resuce in the form of 'trust'. A little spark to darkness; you could call fun, happiness , divine.I grew out, to find myself, got my shell . found my space. Got adicted to the trust i grow with and live with.

Existence in Disparity

2008-10-04T19:53:00.006+05:30

Every time i pick up the phone to call a loved one , I have to calculate a time difference.
Appa , Amma - '+10.5 hrs'
karthik - '-3 hrs'
Vidya - '+5 hrs'
I never imagined there would ever be a time like this, when i find amazing happiness talking to home, to people who are just mine. Distance isnt a big deterrent anymore. Not when there are multiple ways you could find to 'be connected' . But is this virtual networking, inevitable of course, doing any good at all?
Reminds me of a crazy mohan comedy where he goes ' We are a joint family - me and my wife stay together ' , though i laughed that day, i thought he was exaggerating.
May be he wasnt.
The drifting lifestyles arent happening all of a sudden and its not something people have control over anymore. Its extremely gradual and most people realize only when they are way into it and consciously make efforts to overcome the distance.
Globalisation, Cross border relationships and diversity is the benefits that just cannot be replaced. Its amazing to have a korean, chinese and american in a team with you and its the next big thing that we are working towards.
But what about the cultural and emotional sacrifices it brings with it? How does it feel to celebrate diwali in a closed room with a collection of similar people from the geography you are in? How does it ever replace a street full of people waking up 4 am in the morning with burst crackers almost in your living room ? (Lets ignore the noise and pollution at this moment! )
I agree that you could always travel back when you want to. But this isn't just a matter of one time.
Its about missing life at one part with advantages over other. People gain experiences, go back home, share knowledge and even find jobs. But eventually over generations there is a huge gap that is being created. If this is trade off where one has to decide their priorities over,
Choosing between moms coffee everyday and earning a global exposure to meet people from 26 countries for an exotic lifestyle - can never be justified.

One liners about things that keep me busy

2008-09-07T04:55:00.006+05:30

I belong to a Building bustling with brilliance; breakfast here is in business casuals.

Bread, Cheese, Yogurt , Bagel, Donut , Creamer - My new found food companions.

Endless assignments always keeps one awake.

Uncommonness in Language, thoughts, attire and believes - striving to be a perfect team.

Money matters. But not as much as it seems to matter at most times.

I am confused how to interpret 'networking'! Its a very vague term.

Search for people. Search for job.Search for more money.Search for the perfect partner. The search never ends. So keep searching.

Ice skating could be fun. Even if you have no idea how to skate!

There is a very thin line between Altruism and Intrusion .

After a long tiring day, happiness was in a small packet brought by USPS with the best gift i ever got.

Place. People. Patriotic.

2008-08-15T10:00:00.005+05:30

I am nostalgic with memories of an early rise on a sunny summer morning. Dressed in a cute crisp uniform, we joined the bee line of students who all gathered in the assembly for the flag hoist. It wasn't just another day. It meant an hours wait in the scotching heat, claps , national anthem, a flag pinned on the chest and chocolates for fun.

And then were times when it was not just a holiday. A day when i woke up to see the TV on earlier than normal. When I got used to seeing Ad's and wishes early morning on the newspaper. When sms conveyed messages otherwise forgotten. The only day when prime minister's speech was important and when AR Rahman and Lata Mangeshkar versions of Vande Mataram kindled the spirit of the day.

On through, it still did not remain just another day. It was a day that could be spent with kids in orphanages, an opportunity to go around and distribute chocolates. When it was about making someone else's day delightful.

Today, my country wakes up to yet another day that reiterates its freedom people still continue doing every thing as before, in this side of the globe it dark and its the day before.

I needed a day on the calendar all these years to feel the refreshed smell of patriotism all day long. Here i live, miles apart from her where every single day i look out for things that could give me the slightest touch of her being. Anything from a distant aroma of food to jus seeing a crowd of people with noise gets it on.

Love her. Miss her.

Happy independence day!

First words

2008-08-07T05:36:00.002+05:30

I jus woke up to absolute silence. Took a few steps to the window near me and a see green, lots of it. I can listen to my own foot steps at home, a gruggling refridgarator and some little birds who jus woke up with me. Every 3 minutes there is a loud whoosing sound that takes all the attention on the road, a car passing by. And as I type away, I fear if my keyboard is gonna wake up a sweet little girl who gave me place to stay and is sleeping in a room beside me. Im here in purude and my first words say I want some NOICE.

First words

2008-08-06T09:00:00.000+05:30

I jus woke up to absolute silence. Took a few steps to the window near me and a see green, lots of it. I can listen to my own foot steps at home, a gruggling refridgarator and some little birds who jus woke up with me. Every 3 minutes there is a loud wooshing sound that takes all the attention on the road, a car passing by. And as I type away, I fear if my keyboard is gonna wake up a sweet little girl who gave me place to stay and is sleeping in a room beside me. Im here in purude and my first words say I want some NOISE.

Making new bonds, forgetting et al

2008-06-10T18:45:00.001+05:30

I am not for lavish weddings, I cant stand the flamboyance there. I still stick to it. I could argue, scream and fight about the money spent at it. I could stand upside down and protest against the wastage that happens. Plastic, clothes, food, water, power , MONEY! I can go on. The reason i cant get out of this topic is that its happening all around me and am not able to escape all the thoughts it kindles. Especially after having witnessed one so closely. I thought weddings are just plain waste of a lot of things and nothing more. I would change a little at that now.

The occasion sure causes a lot of unnecessary expenditure and uninhibited wastage of things for which you would have no control(when i say this i stick to a typical, traditional, family & friends type wedding) , but there really couldn't be a better occasion to meet new people and connect with the old ones.
Meeting long and literally lost relatives. School friends whom you see unbelievably changed. A congregation where you are immersed in a sea of known unknown people, when you just don't go into reality of the relationship and nod and smile to every human around. A lot of whom you sure wouldn't meet for a good ten years to come and the instant thing to reconnect would be "Aah! i met you at her wedding." Its an event that etches different memories for each one of them there and it sure is a family affair!

Now what do i say is the best part of it?

The beautiful 'Uunjal' songs that we get to hear mostly only then? The fact that you experience meanings to words that you just heard and read till now? The one time that you get to look beautiful whatsoever? That everything on that day boils down to the one moment you wait for, no matter how much you knew its coming and however long the boy and girl knew each other? Or the reality that however planned you are or you decide to be, you are sure to mess up things on that day and it doesn't even dawn on you at the moment!A moment long after the when you hit yourselves saying you are relatives now?

Or just that one emotion that brings in both laughter and tears, when things just stall and resume, when you are uncontrollably happy and giggling while the nadaswaram takes over with that mellifluous tune i love!

The Pros definitely did take over the Cons. Or may be there is a way to work around both. To keep all the good things there and still make a wedding that is so worth it, where people care about what they are doing, where they are spending and say a big NO to wastage of any sort.
There sure is a scope for something like that. When we find a balance where we dont contribute to flamboyance and still live the tradition that is beautiful and is so worth preserving!

All that I wanted!

2008-06-04T17:04:00.004+05:30

Three hugs and kisses to follow. Three people and a wonderful morning. A beautiful big cake from two idiots, far apart now. Lots of love and nothing more than that can make a birthday amazingly beautiful.

A glance, a smile.

2008-05-30T16:11:00.004+05:30

There were more than ten things running in her mind, she was walking back home after another boring day. she wore the long frown, that has got on her for a few days now. A few steps down the road and she feel little droplets on her shoulders and sensed the fragrance of the mud, the typical smell of first rains. She pulled her hairband off and continued to walk at her usual pace unmindful of the drizzle - frowning, tired and irritated. she walked across the road and took left to the main road. The yellow street lights, the green cover on both sides of the road and the unusually calm surroundings made the road look scenic and pleasant. A dark figure walking towards her on the same side caught her attention. She watched on with her eyes fixed till the image became clearer. He was tall, he had his i-pod, track-pants and sneakers on and was sweating. She couldn't quite help the full attention that she gave, not her usual self. She liked the fresh young and cool look. He went past her without a blink, without a grin. He took the turn that she just came by. Seconds later, she turned back to get a last glance and he turned back too. It was dark for him to notice her smile. She smiled wide. She smiled all the way back home while the skies poured out and drenched her even more in happiness.

Forever - Veiled

2008-04-30T15:38:00.004+05:30

The place was almost packed. People belonged to all kinds, race, size, nature.
She slowly struggled her way through the crowd getting crushed and squeezed on her way,then finally found a place to sit. What a relief, the window seat was a bonus.
She pushed opened the glass window with her tender slim hands and maximum force that she could give it and sat back. The cool tender morning breeze making its way through the window grills, dried the sweat off her face. she could almost smile at it. She looked around. There were more than a dozen pair of male eyes gazing at her. She wished she could get up and burn all those eyes off, scratch their faces, like they were never there. But, the least she could do is ignore. Look elsewhere. Act like she never saw them. She pulled out a book from her bag and started reading. She carefully lifted one of her legs and crossed it over the other, pulled her blue kameez down to comfort. Her pink churidhar was matching her pink earings, pink dhuppata and pink footwear. Her bindi had traces of both the colours and so did her hair pins.
She was reading her book with all the attention, may be she had an exam/test in college or she was just reading to divert herself from the people around her.
After a few stops, traffic signals and jams the bus finally was approaching her stop. She got ready to get off. She pulled out her bag, placed the book in it and removed a piece of cloth from inside. A Blue one, to match her kameez.
Without the slightest hesitation, she folded the cloth into two and wore it down from her eyes, the other half was hanging down. She then took it up from behind and used it to cover her hair. Within a minute it was done. she had a blue cloth all around her face and hair. All that could be seen of the pretty face that was there till now was the confused pair of eyes and the double coloured bindi. Wearing her bag around her, she again pushed herself through the crowd and got off to go join a dozen other girls waiting for her, like her, veiled.

Shell , Space, Mine.

2008-04-29T14:28:00.007+05:30

My wings come out and let me fly,
say my words, dance my steps;
Nothing to feign, no one to hide,
everything here is loud, clear and right.
Its my space, my bubble, my world.
Love fills in every little gap you find,
language spoken is sense and people here are my type
all to do all day is laugh, cry and rejoice.
Not everyone is welcome home;
cause its my shell and everything here is just plain mine.

Adding to the Morbid Confusion

2008-04-22T13:51:00.003+05:30

The choking and suffocating roads are already cutting our throats enough, the BMTC drivers are only adding more and more to it.
Any regular commuter in the BMTC bus will be able to understand the situation. I am not a regular commuter, but i try my best to take a bus rather than an auto when i have to use public transport. While doing this can give a hand to the environment and traffic issues in the city, the lethargy and bad attitude these drivers makes me wonder if its really worth it.
It was around 9 30 am on a weekday morning. After a 5 minute wait, a bus dragged itself to the stop. It was comparatively empty, but pushed itself into the narrow road, which was already flooded with vehicles in a turning. Firstly, the bus does not have a conductor. Second, The driver conveniently halts the bus on a side, occupying 3/4th of the turning, giving out tickets to people who were boarding the bus. Two more buses reach the stop and start honking incessantly , which was quite obvious at that time. After 2 minutes of hearing the horn, the driver slowly moves ahead, still distributing tickets. He actually, steers with one hand and gives tickets with the other hand. A traffic cop at the spot came to the bus and started tapping the bus , signalling the driver to move. But, even that did not make a huge difference to him. Though this site kinda gave me shocks about the way he was driving, it was pretty normal to everyone in the bus as they keep seeing such instances every day. They were jus used to this behavior.
The amount they charge for the ticket purely depends on their mood and the person. I end up paying anywhere from 6-9 rs for the same distance, on different days in different buses. You really cant question if you aren't sure about it.
The Volvo buses are surely a relief. They are convenient, friendly and comfortable. A definite boon to people travelling to ITPL and EC. But what about other commuters who want to make use of public transport? Forget the convenience and comfort, the least they could get is cordial drivers. I dont blame all of them. I myself have met a couple of sweet people on bus. But i kinda feel the majority have a negligent attitude. Alright they have a boring job. Accepted that it is horrible to drive on those roads. But that doesn't mean they add to the pain where they spend most time of their lives. What did the poor commuters do?

When Parents are that and more

2008-04-15T10:38:00.005+05:30

Its a funny thought. But it keeps striking me more often now and more clearer than what i thought it was. The thought about how relationships over a period of time, camouflage into multiple shades that means different things at different phases in life, especially parents. This is one relationship that you grow up with and means a lot to most of us.
I still cant believe that i realised this fact so late and take every opportunity that i get now to enjoy this process.
I still share a very different relationship with each one of them, the one that i have been having since childhood. But slowly and very subtly an insignificant change grew with it. The mom things and dad things still remain, the lectures , the gossips, the difference of opinions and the fights of course.
I can laugh at them now for silly things, I make fun like never before and get back love enough and more, they have grown with me.. to understand my silly and weird ways.
My suggestions still go unheard though, it never made sense to them. But that doesn't seem to change anything and makes me feel like me in the end.
The gap still remains, much much narrower now... but what feels changed is that both of us have shifted to new levels, and keep growing to never really understand that we do. One day i think the gap will fade... and slowly close.
I sometimes feel its a myth that the generation gap widens with age and thoughts, i can see it fading and we growing to fill the gaps.
But i realized one thing can just never be changed and i am glad that it doesn't. However time passes, whatever you do in life and come back... you still get snubbed for being a kid! :)

I call it the Job saving act.

2008-03-20T10:45:00.000+05:30

Is it a natural process to get serious at your work?
I mean serious, responsible , you fell you need to do it cause its important to you and it matters to you; rather than a feeling of doing it cause you don't want to be questioned or because you don't want to be troubled by it again or even because you just want to get done with it.
Do people get passionate about work genuinely, with no strings attached? No matter how much they get paid. No matter what it does to them. Simply plain passion as a liking, as a way of you doing things and believing in it.
I am kinda specific here about the monotonous genre of work. Typically software, but also any other similar field of work.
There have been occasions when i just wanted to get up and walk out of meetings, i just did not want to respond cause i couldn't relate. I know that's ok with me cause i am not passionate enough, but i kinda feel that with lot of people around who slog their ass out, they work like crazy but is it their passion?
Are we saving jobs because its a way of survival and we need to take home bread and better or because it gets imbibed in us after a point of time that it doesn't matter what you do , you just do things!
I am saving my job right now. I want to change before it gets worse. Before it stops mattering to me anymore, before i get embedded into it and frozen to things around.
I hope it happens , a good break to make a difference is all i want.

A toast to the congenital quality – Womanhood

2008-03-08T15:01:00.003+05:30

The world is defined as a stage and people as actors. We all play roles, take charge, change to situations, act to advantage and so on and so forth. It’s a talent today, they commonly call it ‘multi tasking’.
I got reminded of one of those typical, laid back and no purpose conversations at home. These happen in holidays when most of us are at home and we talk about old stories. This is a time when everybody talks a lot especially my grandmom. There is something extremely divine about the way ‘grand moms’ look. They have a glow in their faces exuberant of holiness and this terrific immature smile of childishness, as if old age is childhood regained. She was easily in that category. A quick conversation with her, and she drives us down her memory lane, remembering her childhood and life after that. She starts off about her pre independence life and the big job her dad had those days in madras. It was a big deal to own a car and a phone and they were one of the few families who did back then. ‘I Was 14 when I got married’ she recalls with a chuckle and a vague remembrance of the day. While speaking of a typical day during peak life, she said ‘I had 8 kids at home. All in the age difference of one or two years. We normally have at least 20 people to eat. I had to bathe all my kids, cook food for them, pack food for my husband and manage the house work’. She also added in a due pride ‘We had a cook then, we were a little rich.’ I just breathed a sigh. I took a few minutes aside and just recounted what I heard. Having said all this, these are the genre of people who have no regrets in the way they spent their lives whatsoever.
Of course, we now belong to a new age, a different era. We work on modes of redefined aspirations and compete for privileges, rights, act and what not. We are the new age women sans discrepancies and gender bias. We don’t understand the ‘Only men can’ way of things and we thrive in the same space where Anuradha Vaidhyanathan qualifies for Half-Iron man. I wonder if this is what Bharathiyar meant when he called us ‘Pudhumai Penn’. We definitely have come a long way. We have sailed through the beaten torn tracks and swam our way into the safer zones.
But, amidst all this is there something that we still carry from the yester years? Is there something common in you and your grand mom? A vibe that connects both of you? I guess there is. It’s the congenital womanhood, the quality that defines and identifies every woman. It’s that wave that connects us and gets us going in 2 minutes of an ice breaker, the same vibe that lets us be the achievers we are today. I strongly feel that women those days were no less a multi-taskers than any CEO today. Only the way we define success has been changed and we are catering to the new definition. We define the woman of today as someone who plays multiple roles mom, girlfriend, wife, professional. It really isn’t a big deal because it’s just innate in her to do it. That is the way she is made and she loves to live with it. Look around you and there are millions of women catering to every aspect of her multiplicity every day in life. Right from your mom at home to the girl in your adjacent cubicle!
Happy woman’s day!!

Sattva - Eco Preservation

2008-03-03T12:39:00.001+05:30

The quaint old house and the artistic ambience at the Iengar's residence was just perfect to reflect their persona. There was love all over the place. Love for animals, respect for humanity and a responsibility towards the surroundings. It was an experience for two of us who went there with least of expectations and got enough and more in return.

Do read the story about this and lot more about environment awareness.
Also about people and organisations who take their environment responsibility seriously and of little things can contribute to a eco-conscious surroundings and and better world for our future generations.
http://www.itihas.org.in/SattvaFebruary2008.pdf

The voice of Maharjapuram Santhanam and Bharathiyar's songs.

2008-02-21T23:37:00.011+05:30

I have always been fascinated by his 'kavidaigal'.
I think it all started with 'Manathil Urudhi Vendum....'
Its a pleasure to listen to this one...There are millions of feelings that you go through you when you observe these lines.I simply admire the vision this man would have had when he wrote these lines decades back,
It goes like 'Pen Vidudhalai Vendum..Periya Kadavul Kaka vendum '.
Translation can do no justice to these.
No wonder Illayaraja used it to give life and soul for his music.
Speaking of this album, Its sung by 'Maharajapuram Santhanam' it has all those lovely tunes to Bharathiyar's famous verses.
'Chinnan chiru Kiliye' , 'Vellai Thamarai' , 'Suttum Vizhi Chudar' , 'mogathai kondre vide' and more...
These lines have been sung many a times by lots of people. The best part about his album is the carnatic touch here.
I love the way he says 'Chellama...' , 'Cholu', extremely soothing.
Im sure most of us must have heard 'Chinnan chiru Kiliye'.
Its the cutest song on planet earth. There is a line which goes like
'kannattil muttamiTTAl uLLam tAn kaL veri koLLudaDi'
You could easily picture a small cute kid giving you a peck on your cheek! :) . Too cool!!
There is a majesty in the voice which does absolute justice to the lyrics and the way it needs to be sung well in tune with the raagas.
My all time favourite of Bharathiyar's songs.....Its a mesmerising one! If you are a Barathi fan, you just should listen to this one!
'Ninnaiye Rathiyendru Ninaikirenadi Kannamma....'
You could easily find it on you tube.
Its been a effort for a quasi-tamil like me, to read and understand the true meaning of his lyrics. Having said all this, its an effort that i thoroughly enjoy !

Come the season of yellow and red, Cometh brightness and sunshine ahead!

2008-02-15T15:09:00.012+05:30

This pic is taken by diyosa . check - http://www.flickr.com/photos/diyosa/151926774/in/set-72157594553959632/

Its the time when i wake up to the early tender rays knocking my eyelids,
when i walk out and see the huge smile of sun god.
Not because i belong to the land where this is the only season, or because i am sick of the pricking chillness and cold clothes there are more reasons that i say 'I love summers!' :)
Early morning wake up is no more a pain, i made friends with the sun and so i wait!
The splendid colours around me, its time when the bright salwars and pretty looks are at its best while the sweaters and jackets take rest.
The big huge trees shed their leaves shed, are ready for the new green shoots.
The flowers are yellow all over the roads the fruits are red cause 'melons' rule.
Food, Work, people, Skin, Bright and Beautiful!!!
The dawn of the mornings, the warmth of the afternoons and the yellow twitlight all make me believe that i am alive and kicking :)
I love the Sun!!

Trivial but significant realizations - 2

2008-02-01T22:28:00.000+05:30

I am a volunteer. I believe in making a contribution that focuses on making a small change at least in one person's life. I go to a government school on Saturdays to teach the kids there. These are kids who already come to school and we go there to enhance their level of education and also to provide them better exposure to things in whatever way we could. Well, through the years that I have been going there I realized change is something that is extremely tough to bring about. The kind of change I am talking here is change in attitude, change in the way they approach things, change in their opinion towards education, school and teachers, change in the way they lead life and change in their expectation of future. It looks a little bleak at this time and I only hope that all this takes us somewhere. I am a droplet in the ocean of people who are rising towards making this change. Even a step ahead from here is victory.

Everyday when I walk to and from office, I have to go past a series of huts. I normally just wiz pass that lane. I always had a feeling that people living in these kinds of houses aren’t normal and they might harm me if it’s a little dark. Yesterday, in my regular attempt to just speed up that lane I did not notice 3 small kids playing in front of their huts. Just when I was rushing the smallest one among them came and pulled my hand. He said “aunty” and gave me a huge smile. He looked beautiful. A naughty look in his eyes teeth all over his face and little hand pulling me; he was dirty and wore torn clothes and so were the two others with him. I gently bend down and asked his name for which he said something which sounded like “ajith” to me. I spent a couple of minutes there and left. It stuck me that we have work right from home. Whoever bothered if ajith went to school or not, I am sure his parents are poor and earn just enough to feed him or may be not even that? These children grow up doing nothing and then become either child laborers or continue to do what their dads did. Unless the parents get aware and send them to schools they would probably not go to one ever in their lives. Apart from catering to kids in govt schools, labor camps, ashrams, NGO’s we have to start looking at children in the streets and slums. They exist and have no idea where to go.

Is it about breaking taboos or about respecting life??

2008-01-24T20:35:00.000+05:30

I could feel the chords inside me strike a tone when the thought crossed my mind. When the true meaning caught my attention; i completely disagreed. I wanted to scream out that this did not make sense, i was shocked by the natural acceptance of the fact by people around me.

We are given life by the power of creation. But it is definitely not a human act to create life. nothing can explain this, neither science nor biology.
So when did we get the rights for destruction? Let that be for mercy or otherwise.
I think mercy killing is not acceptable. We have no rights to take lives of individuals, even if they are suffering hell and can see death everyday.
I believe every incident in life has a reason and is governed by the deeds of that person in life. If he has to suffer as close to death then thats how his karma is. Who are we to control his death at a point of time.
There are just two things in life beyond human control which is creation and destruction. Any effort to change this does not make much sense. We can work around it, close to it, but never control it.

'Mercy Killing' is not a Taboo to be broken. Its an unethical practise that needs more attention and thought.

Trivial but significant Realizations

2008-01-15T16:16:00.001+05:30

When i work hard on something, put all my efforts and positive energy towards it and i succeed, its good. If i dont, its even better. I realize there is more to learn from failures than success and failure doesnt mean incapability , its jus that i have a much better purpose to serve elsewhere.

Go Kannada!

2008-01-04T16:52:00.000+05:30

Priya: Autoooo
Auto man: Yeli hogathu??
Priya: Lavel Road.
Priya (again) : Route Gotha?
Auto man : nods his head..

(Two minutes Later)

Auto Man : Meter Light barela madam...
Priya : Yen boss ? yeshtu agathe?
(Auto Man Speaks a lot in a little complicated kannda for priya to comprehend.)
Priya : 50 Rupees (Still dosent give up; dosent reveal her weakness yet! :P)
Priya : Aasshtee Boss.
(Auto Man Speak a lot again, which was comprehendable by difficult for her to reply.
Priya Decides to remain mum than to say anything. )

(10 minutes Later, Again capitalizes on her throughly cofident words known in the language)

Priya : Yeen boss? Yeshtu aaghithe?
Auto Man : 75 kodee
Priya : Illa Illa 70 Ashteee...
Priya : Change illa Boss , Nodi (Shows the 2 hundred rupee notes in her wallet )
(Auto Man By now deciphers her fake kannda skills and gives a wide smile. )
Auto Man : Parvagilla maa.. Boneey (And puts the 70 rupees on both his eyes )
Priya smiles back and gets going all happy and feeling a little more kannadiga!

An artist who paints for a different world!

2007-12-12T15:52:00.001+05:30

This man has based the theme of his paintings on something so different yet means a lot in everyones life.

Read on at the Diversecity sectionof Sattva:
http://www.itihas.org.in/SattvaNovember2007.pdf

A for Action!

2007-12-10T14:21:00.000+05:30

Pounding hearts, Butterflies in stomach, clasped hands, counting beats....Three, two, one and rolling went Vasanth's keyboard to get the audience's first attention in synchronous with the introductions. 'Welcome to Chautanki'!

It was our first time on stage , the first play to go and ON went the 'Pair of glasses team'. Minutes after the play began the butterflies vanished and performances came up. The actors complemented each other as though they have been doing the play all their life, as if the journalist and the military man's families in Gujarat were really neighbours ; singing and dancing. Shaunak's entry added the much needed seriousness to the romance and the slight humour which caught on and kept people busy laughing! The puppets coordinated each other perfectly, confused a little yet acting to the moment, working as a team and making that ending as good as it can get, garnished by Vipul's Shayari verses getting our grey cells working. They had a blast on stage and came back to the green room relieved and tired.

The next was really a task. I always wondered why Ranji wanted us amatures to do something as serious as Improvisation. This was no joke. The audience were asked to narrate a story from their experience and the actors enacted it on the spot. Spontaneity and creativity had to be in tune to keep it going. When i watched the first improv team perform i knew why. In the end it was more about living that moment, letting go and jus plain acting. You only improve when you perform! The story was funny and so were the actors. The rest of the team sat giggling uncontrollably which soon got retorted by a serious 'ssssshhh' from the musician who was right next to us.

It was fun, to watch others. I had this creepy feeling growing everytime i got reminded of my turn- for improv. I was nervous and had no idea how it was gonna be. It turned out to be a simple story, rather so simple that i felt there was no story (:P) ; well, we had to perform. I had no idea what i was saying or doing, so were the others beside me. But, i had fun! Guess thats how an Improv is supposed to be. The best part was when a sweet lady came upto me after the show and said 'Hey! your "Maa ko yaad kar was super". Pause. There was a bubble which grew above my head saying "Eeeeh! did i say that?". ofcourse i was sweet enough thank the lady but.

Time for some more drama. The last play in line was 'The unknown', a regular fiction with a mysterious ending. Infact there was no ending and was left the imagination of the audience. This was designed to be a scary one and who else could be a better choice to scare ppl. Yes.... you all got it wrong, it was the tiny little poor me (grinnnn). In plain words, i had ball on stage. One reassuring thing for me before i got on was it was all dark (:P). No one could see me in light except for a small candle in front meant to make me look scary! But that was just on the first day. Sunday was all let loose, i couldnt wait to get there! I tired to get a lil creative thou for which i had the consequences to follow (:D). seriously, grt fun!

The entire show was a culmination of a lot of things. For me it was the curiousity that kept me on. I was extremely inqusitive to know what happened to me on stage, end of all those weeks of interaction. And the good news is the results were astounding. It was just too much fun pilled in a single day for all of us. It really was tiring but one of those times when you enjoy being tired. When all that pain is worth it (sob, sob ) (:P).

Like all good things come to sweet endings, the weekend cheer ended with a well deserved lunch at 'Legacy of Punjab'. This was well deserved cuz of two reasons. one, it was three in the afternoon and people hardly spoke to each other when they saw food. two, we paid a price for it (;D).

PS:

Few things that just could not go unnoticed at chautanki:

Annie's perky simle all over the place.

Manisha's cute and feminine ways at things. The best 'ma' around!

Vineet's adorable daddajish 'dum dum dum' - hilarious!!

Anish - The most lethargic military man! :P

Vipul's theartrical traits and artistic looks.

Abhijit's concern and unmistakable sense.

Ambika's easiest approaches to most complex situations.

Gaurav's awesome voice.

Bhargav's commitment and witty attitude.

Hari's compelmenting hairstyles :)

Sound and strength alias khadir.

Kishore's heartening and memorable speeches

Laynum's voice and prominence in all photographs [;)]

Madhu's hero ishtyle.

Goshia's grace that kept most men busy :P

Mayank- sense and sensibility

The magnitude of things that Nandhini has to say. Everytime! :)

Prashant's funny bewilderment at normal things.

Ranji's serious yet not so serious looks.

Rovan- The journalist babu, who sings for neighbours wifes!

Saurab's immense knowledge about cosmetics!! (:P)

Shaunak's flow of complicated hindi

Vasanth's mellifulous tamil tunes ;)

Karthik's camera skills off stage!

and the tiny but tuny and not so tawny Priya!

If I had to describe the entire show of ' Chautanki' in two words I would say Ranji and Nandini. The directors playing their cards fabulously sailed the entire team through a fun filled Journey which could not be deciphered unless experienced. Kudos YT!!

Its the Block!

2007-11-17T15:28:00.000+05:30

There is defenitely a block right now.
A block to do anything at all. Its been extremely impossible for the last 24 hrs.
There was a respite when i heard SPB and Kamal for sometime.
But its just there. Feel like just cribbing and resigning.
I want the higher calling to take precedence, the satan to relieve.
I want liberation!!!

My interaction with art in its true form

2007-11-14T19:02:00.002+05:30

It was a perfect winter morning. The light yellow early rays of the sun brought some relief to the goose bumps in my hands. I entered the place with a lot of preconceived notions in my mind. What i saw there was a difference i dint quiet expect.

I got out of the auto right in front of the Chitrakala parishad. To my right were two students busily discussing something. As i walked inside, the girl got up and walked into the campus. Her friend screamed out to her " All the best daa, copy well, dont get caught, ha ha ha". Usual college talk.
I walked through the shaded green pathway looking to find the gallery. I found loads of students all across the steps, the pavement, benches;busy with books, pulling each others legs and sharing jokes. It was a great place to just sit and watch around till the gallery opened. Students kept walking in and out of that place, there was this buzz all around the place of exams and books though they were not so serious. I realized that everything about that place was very typical, something that would remind you of your college and exams. Yet, there was something different. Each one of them had something to convey, in the way they looked, they dressed, the bags they carried and the way they walked. They whole place was overwhelming with like minded people who were so expressive. Extermely subtle and captivating, exactly how any art form is.

I sat on the steps chatting with the security men around when i saw a middle aged man wearing a nice khadii kurta climb up the stairs towards the gallery. With the change in expression on faces of the security men i realised that he was the owner of the paintings which were on display that day. I smiled at him and he gave me a wide smile back with a handshake. "You have changed a lot , u look different" he said. "Im sorry sir, Im meeting you for the first time." I replied. "Oh, is it! ha ha ha.. i thought u were the student i met yesterday. U look similar to them." That was the normal naive attitude that Mr. Eby Joseph, carried with him. Extremely humble.

A walk around the gallery with him was like a sojourn to the interiors of kerala. Multiple shades of green was in prominence on his landscapes . Every painting was real. The thick forests of Waynade and Kumorakom with the early sun rays on the leaves could take the audience into the scene. There were also shots from cochin and a couple of scenes of Mr. Joseph's native. A conversation with him about each painting took me to notice the details and little nuances in them.

The paintings had a rough and a smooth part. The rough part was at the bottom of the canvas and formed the land or the leaves on the floor in this case. They could cause an optical illusion to the viewer. When viewed from far they looked like leaves and land and when viewed standing close to the paining they seemed like strokes of colour. It was phenomenal. A time to explore for me. I kept moving back and forth to look at those paintings and was spell bound. A small stroke of yellow colour from close looked like sunlight through the leaves when i looked from a distance. I was amazed by the magic his fingers could produce with simple combination of acrylic colours when intelligently combined. That was "Kerala Darshan", as put down by Mr. Eby N. Joseph.

An hour long journey in the interiors of kerala ended with a quick chat with Mr Joseph when he told me his plans about making a "Bharat Darshan". When he would give the feel of entire india as he had with this collection of Kerala. Soon after the conversation, i saw him searching his draw for something and he flipped out sheet of paper. He asked me to sit where i was and not move for sometime. The result of 15 minutes of concentrated viewing was a mind blowing sketch of me that Mr Joseph made.

I was delighted! He gave me his comments book where i genuienly poured out my feelings at that moment. I thanked him and promising to visit his gallery in kannur soon i bid adieu.

Update: Here is the sketch that he did, of mine :)

A life so different

2007-11-11T19:15:00.000+05:30

It was one of the most boring trains one could be in on a sunday afternoon....
I watched out of the window for a long time.After a while when i got used to seeing the paddy fields and the dark green shrubs that was all way through the journey, i got back to doing the most common time pass in trains. Indulge in a not so intersting conversation with my sister where there was more of listening and less of speaking to do [:P]
We were in the midst of a time pass discussion about what is the most important thing they look for when you go for a UK visa interview..(yawn..) and there was this dark figure who crawled into our bay. He would be somewhere around 10 to 12 yrs. He was topless and his brown skin tanned due to the heat was exposing his ribs. He was wearing a rugged denim which protected his limbs as he crawled through the dirty rail compartments. With the dirty cloth in his hands brushed the dirt in the passage. He got into the bay and collected the spilt food particles and black remainants of god knos what with his bare hands while removing the footware and luggage lying there.
I was shocked at the plight of a 10 year old. I looked at my sister and we had the same thoughts running. I picked up a 5 rupee coin from my bag and gave it to him, while the others in the compartment continued to function oblivious of a soul who just picked up their footwear and cleaned their bay. The boy tried his luck by calling people, touching them and begging with his hands out. No one gave him a second look.
Half an hour later, an old haggered looking man walked in. This was something really unusual. He came in to the bay and and had his shirt unbuttoned. He had a huge scary looking organ hanging out of stomach. It was the dirtiest and scariest thing one could ever have. The moment i saw this man, my immediate reaction was to just close my eyes and just wanted him to get away from the place. The first thing in my mind was not pity, it was to just get rid of the dirty feeling and seeing something extremely disturbing.And my companions continued to be in their own worlds. In fact, nothing could make a difference there.
Sometime later, i thought about my attitude change towards these two underprivilidged human being i came across. Why was it that i wanted to help the boy and not the old man? May be because i thought i had to help the boy, he was trying to earn money by working. But why not a dirty suffering old man? I dont know.
In my entire journey i met a couple of more people in similar situations to whom i did not know how to react. I was confused about the attitude i had to show towards them. I really cant go around helping all the ten people i see everyday. But i also cant close my eyes to a 10 year old who picked up my footwear to clean it.

Colouring All The Way

2007-10-01T14:58:00.001+05:30

Colouring All The Way

A cacophonic small room filled with people of all ages, including a bunch of school children, fell silent when ‘Colour Wheel’ walked onto the stage.

Read on.. at http://www.itihas.org.in/SattvaSeptember2007.pdf

Recognising that Glow

2007-09-26T16:08:00.000+05:30

'Hatred' can be safely classified as the worst quality someone could possess.
Alas, we are all humans;we all experience this feeling sometime or other in life.
Beating this deadly infectious disease could be a great leap towards,
being at peace with yourself, rejuvenating and working towards being enlightened.
I experienced that the best way to do this is by spreading love,
looking into the positive about that person and breaking that mental block.
I'm amazed at how some people can do that so easily.The sheer look at that person, makes you feel happy and gives you fulfillment, even though you hardly know them.
It definitely is a divine quality, the gift to tame that bundle of emotions for good, the intention to look at the positive in people and just forget the evil, the ability to look at a child's innocence and own it, the innate nature to enjoy the trivial things in life and cherish them.
Its not something that everyone can do that easily or something that can be taught or learnt..
Its congenital.
I think they are those people whom we call 'God's own kids'.We still experience goodness because of these people alive.
No, they aren't politicians, celebrities nor social workers...
Some normal human beings, who go on spreading this divine quality.
People who are all around, who just need a second glance to be identified,who all posses an inborn glow.
They could be your mom, dad, neighbour or the person sitting next to you.
I'm so sure that there are so many of them, celebrating humanity and love.
Cheers to all those divine humans, I'm glad i was able to recognize some of them.

Is the money burnt, the Joy earned?

2007-09-17T16:16:00.000+05:30

Stunning clothes , expensive food, the best of places available in town, music is a must and crackers too sometimes!3 months of planning, Suggestions from even the not so well known relatives, confusion all around the house, but we claim to enjoy it.Its takes 3 whole days for the boy to tie just 3 knots around the girl's neck....and shhhhhh no one here talks about how much all this costs, it just has to be spent, its just once in a lifetime afterall!

Feels like we are headed to making a status quotient through the occassion, everyone wants to make a big wedding.The rich ones have the money and they have to spend it, the not so rich ones have some money but then comes the 'once in lifetime' quote, the poor cant show that they are poor else how do they get their daughters married?, so even they have to spend...by hook or by crook.
We belong to the modern world ,we have girls who earn equally well .According to us dowry is a thing passe'.There are just two questions which go unanswered amdist all this,
One, are we moulding the so called 'dowry' to a much subtler version through lavish weddings?
Two, are we putting the burden through our weddings , jus because we could afford it, on to the people in the lower social strata?
This seriously needs a second though.

A whole new meaning.

2007-09-11T20:50:00.000+05:30

Its that feeling which makes me think about one reason worth living.
Its that moment when i can just sit down and cry.
Its that phase of life, when nothing that i do adds any value.
Its that time when i feel alone, stranded, miserable.
The grief and pain it causes, stays on for quiet sometime.
It takes every bit of me to recoup and think sane.
Nothing can make it better, except that one single want.
Yes, happiness at that point of time is nothing but just that one want.
Just that one single want, the want worth living!
Maybe its not the worst feeling in life then,
i know that one single reason worth living.

Words can create a passion

2007-08-21T16:00:00.000+05:30

" He seemed to pluck notes from an impregnable abyss; sewing them seamlessly into dazzling swaras with a tone so rich it moved people to tears."
These are lines from an article about the great musician T.R.Mahalingam, 'flute mali' as he is fondly called.
http://www.hindu.com/fr/2006/11/10/stories/2006111000680300.htm
I was touched when i read these lines. Rather i was fascinated by the author's involvment.Can music really make people cry?
I had never listened to instrumental music before that, especially flute.
The next thing i did was tried to go get a cd of 'flute mali'.
Being in bangalore,i went to Crossword, Music world, Planet M, and every other shop which looked like having a decent collection.I tried to look for a carnatic music section and realised that there was only a classical music section and that too was filled with Hindustani music cd's.I hardly did find anything in vocal or instrumental carnatic music.I decide to ask for some help and went to the man in the counter and asked him if he had a cd of TR Mahalingam. He looked at me as if i was asking for some alien inhabitant. 'Execuse me' was the reply i got.
I repeated 'T R Mahalingam, he plays the flute.'
'Oh... would u like to try Pandit Hari Prasad Chaurasia, he is amazing' he said.
'Mmm...sure, but not rite now, as i am looking for T R Mahalingam' i said and walked out. This was the reply or even worse in most of the places.
I logged on the Raaga and listened to his music. It was phenomenal.I really din kno, instrumental and that too flute could sound so exceptionally amazing.Well, thats really not it all.. theres so much more....
It got me to explore a whole new genre of instrumental music.
Now it seems plausible, it really can get u cry sometimes.....